I Will Never ____________!

A truth universally known:

Whoever says, “I will never____________!” is doomed to do that very thing.


I am living that statement right now.

I said that when I got older I would NEVER sit around and talk about my aches, pains and illnesses. I always thought it was morose and boring. I promised that I would never do it but I did just that yesterday with a clutch of people my age.

Why? Why did I break the promise to myself you ask? Because I didn’t know then what I know now!

Let me help you, all my young readers, to understand why old people talk about their aches and pains and illnesses…

We are shocked!

old person quote

We never imagined and cannot believe that just reaching across a desk to pick up a book could mess your back up so bad that you’re down for 2 weeks!!

We are freaking out because our bodies don’t work like they used to!

We still feel in our minds like we did when we were 18 but we’re living in these aging bodies and it’s freaking us out!

We’re a little worried about doing normal things because you just don’t know when your body will rebel and rise up against you. Like one day your knee may decide not to bear your weight. One day you’ll reach down to pick something up and your hip will “twang” and you’ll be limping for weeks.

When we talk about our aches and pains and stuff we’re not saying it to tell everyone in earshot, we’re saying it like, “Can you believe this crap? I was getting up out of the chair and my knee gave out and I can’t walk on it!! What the freak is going on here??

Not only do they not work like they used to, they don’t LOOK like they used to and we’re not sure how to dress it or deal with it. Let me tell you, young people, one day you’re going to look in the mirror and everything that was high and tight will be low and loose. Like in ONE DAY it will happen!

Let me also tell you, to be totally honest, hair will stop growing in places and then begin growing in places that you wished it wouldn’t. Wrinkles will appear on everything, like in one day! Age spots, gray hair will appear and you’ll say, “Who is this old person staring back at me in the mirror?”

I’m telling you, it’s a crazy experience! And we talk about it because we cannot believe it is happening and it’s so weird that our bodies don’t work like they used to. We can’t believe we are now the “old people.” It happened so fast and all we were doing was living.

I’m a grandmother! Totally freaking me out that I am that old and someone would call me their grandmother. Never, ever thought I’d be here, doing this.

It’s a crazy life.

Beware, never say never!





One thought on “I Will Never ____________!

  1. You are funny as hell. I was reading this justa laughing away! Oh honey….I stopped saying ‘never’ years ago when I said, “I will never date that man.” It happened, and I haven’t written about it, and don’t plan to. (See how I skipped the ‘N’ Word?) It would haveta be my first work of Fiction! What is it about that word!?!?! I love you.

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