I really like the phrase, “a new normal.” It’s a very accurate description of my journey.
It’s also an accurate description of a person’s willingness to adapt and change, which, to me, is healthy and necessary for survival.
When something really big happens to you that changes you, you find that your modus operandi no longer works or is no longer healthy, so you have to find a new normal.
Here are some times in my life when I had to find a new normal:
- When my mother died. I had to find other women to fill that role in my life.
- When my father remarried and was absorbed in his relationship. I had to look to others to “parent” me.
- When I went from kindergarten, to elementary school, to junior high, to high school, to college.
- Whenever I started a new job or left a job.
- When I broke up with my boyfriend. I had to be okay with being alone because I wasn’t about to just hook up with anyone just to be with someone.
- When I got married. I had adapt to being a married person.
- When I started or stopped a ministry.
- When I had kids. I had to become a mother.
- When the kids left for college. I had to adjust to the empty nest.
- When the kids got married. I had to become a mother-in-law.
- When my kids moved across the country. I had to love to travel and be okay with them far away.
- When the kids had kids. I had to become a grandmother.
- When I’ve gotten physically older. I had to change eating and exercise habits.
- When my sister died.
- When my friend died.
- When I retired from my 17 year career. What do I do now? Haha!
- Anytime I had a major health crisis. I had to adjust to limitations or fight to regain what the illness had taken.
Those were the major ones, there have been minor ones as well. But you get the picture.
I have heard people say that when a person gets into a relationship or a career they should retain themselves and not lose themselves in it. But I have to say I was and am one of those people who, when a major change comes (or hits), I really don’t know what to do next because I was all in.
It takes me a while to find my new normal.
When I was a mother to younger children, I was in 100%! When I was in a job, I did my best. When my sister and my friend got sick I was a major caregiver. I was all there.
I have felt a little ashamed of my penchant for “getting way too deep” and I have criticized myself for the times after a loss or a change when I felt lost. I’d say, “If you would have just thought of yourself more and taken care of you, this change or loss wouldn’t be so hard on you.
I would beat myself up when people would say, “Just take some time for yourself, go back to your hobby, find some time to do what you love, follow your heart, follow your dream, follow your passion.”
I’d stare at them with mouth open. I didn’t know what any of that was.
But you know, if I wasn’t all in, was I really there?
I said all that to say this…
I’m at another point where I have to find a new normal.
I’ve decluttered my life (to have more time to do those illusive things that I want to do, haha!). I’ve organized what’s left and I’m trying to be more thoughtful in my spending. I don’t want to just fill my home up with things that I’ll just need to throw out later.
And let’s be honest, we live in a world where all we do is spend money!
We shop, not because we need anything, not really because we want anything, we shop for entertainment and instant gratification.
So, what else do you do?
Oh, I’ve heard all the suggestions.
- Go take a walk.
- Take a bath.
- Binge on Netflix.
- Enjoy your hobby – what hobby?
- Give yourself a mani or pedi.
- Organize your makeup (I really read that, haha!)
- Give yourself a facial.
I feel like the only suggestions people have for me is to exercise, brush up on my personal grooming and lose myself in a Netflix coma.
Are there any other ideas out there?
Shoot me a message.